I've probably started and stopped and deleted and re-done this post at least a dozen times. The first couple times I started it I got so emotional that I had to quit, so then I decided maybe I was going in the wrong direction. So I started to go in another direction and my internet went down for almost 2 days, so by the time I sat down 2 nights ago to write it I'm thinking maybe God has been wanting me to go a different way and to look at my past differently then I have been. Well needless to say I must not of been ready yet because my little boy woke up right in the middle of it very sick throwing up and running a fever. So here I am on draft number ? and I think I might actually have it right this time.
I thought it was only fair to explain why I consider myself a not so normal mom, and mostly it's because of my age in comparison to other parents that have kids the same age as me. However I've realized over the past couple weeks that it's not just that, my husband and I have been together since we were 15, I may be younger but I've spent almost half my life with my first love and that's unusual. We've made it through a lot of hard times to be this age including having a beautiful unplanned baby girl at the age of 18 while we were still in high school. Mind you we didn't even go to the same school so for the most part I went through all of it alone. Not in the sense that I didn't have a support system my parents and family never turned their back on me and my husband worked,kept up with school and made the hour and a half drive to his school every morning from my house so that he was their for me every chance he got, but for this mostly liked popular girl that made good grades,was athletic and had a lot of friends it was tough because I lost all of that over night as soon as it got out that I was pregnant.
I don't think a lot of people meant to be mean or act differently towards me but it just happens you know when you're dealing with teenagers. Not everyone was like that but I can probably count on my hands the number of people from school that I still see and spend time with on a regular basis. Most of my best friends are people I didn't meet until the past 5 years. I'm okay with that. I wouldn't trade my close friends for all the fake friends in the world. That's the beauty of finding yourself.
Speaking of finding myself, In my first post I spoke about being lost and I am. I don't know who I am anymore and I am trying to find a place that I belong but a few weeks back sitting at dinner with 3 of my best friends I realized that just because I'm unsure of where my place is doesn't mean that I'm not headed in the right direction. I think I have the people in my life today because God knows they need to be there. Before becoming pregnant I knew who I was, where I was going and where I wanted to be in 5 and maybe even 10 years. Their wasn't any guess work I had a perfect little map in my mind, and possibly that's why I'm so lost today nothing on that map matches up with me today. So with much debating and pep talk to myself I've decided instead of revisiting my high school years with everyone I begin now, because no matter what happened then I'm sitting here today in the exact situation I need to be in regardless if I think I'm overwhelmed and lost. Everything happens for a reason and it's time for a New Start.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thursday, December 15, 2011
First Thoughts....................
For several months now I have been tossing the idea around of starting a Blog. Mainly to try to make some sense of my crazy life and thoughts. When I say crazy life it's probably not what everyone is thinking. My life is crazy for sure but, I would not change a single moment of it! I love my life but at times I feel like I am still in many ways trying to truly find the "real" Emily.
Like many moms/women I'm sure you know the feeling of being happy but not necessarily complete. Don't misunderstand me, my husband, kids,family and friends complete my life, I do not know what I would do without them but at the same time I am not complete. Maybe it's because my life ended up so far from where I had planned,(which we'll save for another post) or maybe it's because I don't really fit in with any one group of people/moms. Once again not to mislead anyone, I have a wonderful group of friends that love me at my best or worse and despite my blunt honesty(even at times I should bite my tongue), that make me feel blessed beyond words and one of the best things about them, they love my children despite the fact that not many of them are at the stage in their life that I am. That's where the not fitting into one group comes in.
I can fit in with my friends and others around my age on most things but at the same time few of them are married and an even fewer number of them have kids or are planning kids within the next 5 years. I can fit in with mom's of kids the same age as my daughter Betsy (who is almost 8) on school things and can talk about Dr's, family vacations, school trips,and anything else related to running a family or doing things for school but unfortunately on most cases that's where the things we have in common stop.(Which is one reason I am so thankful for Betsy's best friend's mom who I can relate to on almost everything.)
An example of one of the situations I have with some moms and one of the reasons that I decided to start the blog today happened yesterday as I was waiting for Betsy to get to the car when I picked her up.
Betsy has her hands full with a gingerbread house she had made and I stepped out of my car so I could open her door, and the mother in the car in front of me looked over at me while she was waiting for her son and said "I don't think the shirt you have on is appropriate to be wearing in front of young impressionable boys, you are young enough to be most of their sisters" Seriously, Let's see here, for one, my shirt might of been a little fitting but not more then any normal person wears, for two, my shirt wasn't even low cut or short on the bottom and for three I had a cardigan on over it. For lack of a better word, I was pissed. So what did I do, I plastered a huge smile on my face and responded with "Are you sure it's the fact the my shirt is too tight or is it because you're old enough to be my mother?" I know I know I probably shouldn't have said anything, I try to follow the golden rule but she deserved it. :)
Well that's all the time I have at the moment, duty calls and I'm off to get my daughter from school! I bet if I see the same mom from yesterday she keeps her mouth shut today!
Like many moms/women I'm sure you know the feeling of being happy but not necessarily complete. Don't misunderstand me, my husband, kids,family and friends complete my life, I do not know what I would do without them but at the same time I am not complete. Maybe it's because my life ended up so far from where I had planned,(which we'll save for another post) or maybe it's because I don't really fit in with any one group of people/moms. Once again not to mislead anyone, I have a wonderful group of friends that love me at my best or worse and despite my blunt honesty(even at times I should bite my tongue), that make me feel blessed beyond words and one of the best things about them, they love my children despite the fact that not many of them are at the stage in their life that I am. That's where the not fitting into one group comes in.
I can fit in with my friends and others around my age on most things but at the same time few of them are married and an even fewer number of them have kids or are planning kids within the next 5 years. I can fit in with mom's of kids the same age as my daughter Betsy (who is almost 8) on school things and can talk about Dr's, family vacations, school trips,and anything else related to running a family or doing things for school but unfortunately on most cases that's where the things we have in common stop.(Which is one reason I am so thankful for Betsy's best friend's mom who I can relate to on almost everything.)
An example of one of the situations I have with some moms and one of the reasons that I decided to start the blog today happened yesterday as I was waiting for Betsy to get to the car when I picked her up.
Betsy has her hands full with a gingerbread house she had made and I stepped out of my car so I could open her door, and the mother in the car in front of me looked over at me while she was waiting for her son and said "I don't think the shirt you have on is appropriate to be wearing in front of young impressionable boys, you are young enough to be most of their sisters" Seriously, Let's see here, for one, my shirt might of been a little fitting but not more then any normal person wears, for two, my shirt wasn't even low cut or short on the bottom and for three I had a cardigan on over it. For lack of a better word, I was pissed. So what did I do, I plastered a huge smile on my face and responded with "Are you sure it's the fact the my shirt is too tight or is it because you're old enough to be my mother?" I know I know I probably shouldn't have said anything, I try to follow the golden rule but she deserved it. :)
Well that's all the time I have at the moment, duty calls and I'm off to get my daughter from school! I bet if I see the same mom from yesterday she keeps her mouth shut today!
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